You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize