Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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