why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't deserve a penis
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
