I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
