that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
