another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
