hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
