I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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