i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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