I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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