ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a search helicopter?!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
