I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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