The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
