I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
