he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
