We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
