Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
