I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
