at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
