hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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