the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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