Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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