so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't deserve a penis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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