There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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