Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Someone shit on the floor
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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