It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
