I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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