It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
