It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
