:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
