Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
