Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
