Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
