Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
