I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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