you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
