It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
