Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
