i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
