hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
