should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
