I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
