so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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