just come out here and I will go home with you...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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