so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
