the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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