Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
