I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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