I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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