Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
