Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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