i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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