someone threw a dead crab at me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
