I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
