Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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