oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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