I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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