So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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