Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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