I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My dick has a subreddit
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
