if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
