did you get engaged???
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
