currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Semen is not good for contacts.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
