bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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