I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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