I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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