the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
