she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize