Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
