I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
