I looked at my own cervix.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
