I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
