We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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