the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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