She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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