At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
