Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
