apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
