Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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