why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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