So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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