we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
