this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Everyone says I win the strip club
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
