i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
His nipple licking is glorious
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