this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i think im in europe. pls send help
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