It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize