when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize