another moral hangover. fuck.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
