brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
