wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
