My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
