genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
