Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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