when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
