I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
