lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
