Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
