I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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