There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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